Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize