You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize