I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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