She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Come see our sink grown plant.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
