he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
