if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
