i wish my penis had a tongue
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
