between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
