i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
