dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
