my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
