I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
