she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
