OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
