Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
