Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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