i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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