I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize