my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
A bitchslap is in order.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
