textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
