i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
