I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
