i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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