I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
