So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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