Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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