I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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