I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize