I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
