im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
