also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
