I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
