I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
