Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
How's work?
Spinning.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
