oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
