It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
