How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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