she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
