I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
