keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
