also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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