Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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