I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
