Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
