i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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