I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize