That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
