that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
