can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
