I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize