This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
