Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
