Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
