you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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