They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
