If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
