I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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