im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize