dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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