you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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