In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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