I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
