Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
