Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
