I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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