he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
