I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
