Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
